Adoption Update-A Heartbreaking Decision Made

Well, we are back into the waiting pool as of Thursday.  We had previously agreed to meet again with the young couple we were matched with, and on Monday we received a call from the agency that Thursday was the only day that the couple could meet and that they highly recommended we come to Amarillo.

So, Craig rearranged his schedule and called in a favor so he could get off.  We had a family funeral visitation on Wednesday so it was a late and long trip to Amarillo.  But we made Amarillo by morning safe and sound.  And honestly for the last two weeks, I had had the impending feeling like "the other shoe was about to drop."  But in the call with the agency the case worker only mentioned that there was an update with the due date, so we thought we were going for a joyful and exciting meeting.  Wrong.

We got to the agency and the young couple wasn't there yet.  After a few minutes they called and said that they were running late.  Ok, no problem.  Well, in that time the director of the agency (who was going to be in our meeting) confessed to us that the meeting was not going to be what we were probably thinking.  Ok......and Craig (humorous and wonderful as he is) cracked a joke that allowed the director to begin to tell us that there had been a change in the birth-couple's situation.

The director said that the agency had found out new information on the previous Friday and that they honestly were not done processing it all, and that they still really didn't know what to think or do.  Hence why they asked us to come up and meet face to face.  Basically, this information completely changed the dynamics of the situation.  As the director is telling us this information, my brain is firing.  The shoe had dropped.  The director urged us to still meet with the couple and listen to their story, and then take our time in deciding what we wanted to do.  We listened to the couple and the thoughts running through both of our minds would fill a book.  After the meeting we left the agency and were urged to take as much time as possible to decide what we wanted to do.  We stocked up on cookies (because we eat when we're stressed) and headed for home.  But as we are driving we are writing charts and lists, and we were analyzing to death what to do.  An hour outside of Amarillo, we switched drivers and I decided to drive back to Amarillo to the agency so we could talk again with the director.

If you have known me for very long you know that I don't do change well.  Especially when it comes in the form of a bombshell in my lap.  But after three hours of driving and thinking, we had a decision and arrived at the agency to talk it over with them.  We still love our agency.  They learned all of this new information only days before we did and I completely understand how they were uncertain of the path that they should take in this situation.  Once again, we get to be the first for a situation.  Love it-we make great guinea pigs.

Without going into specifics here are a few snippets that factored into our decision and have helped us come to terms with this decision.  The birthmother had been coming to the agency since January and after numerous meetings and documentation-the agency was just finding out this information that completely altered the dynamics of the situation.  There was absolutely no way for the agency to have predicted this situation arising and that it was no longer the situation that we had been presented.

We had to make the decision to stay matched and face further uncertainty with this couple, or start over in the waiting pool.  We chose to go back to the waiting pool.  We were crushed, but now several days later we have a clearer perspective.  It was really the only decision and we had not actually made that decision God had-we just had to find the path on our own.

Looking back a person can dissect all views and feelings, and see things that at the time were not noticed. After looking back, I can see that we were both ecstatic over being chosen and more excited about it being twins.  However, we were not over come with joy or love for the birth-couple themselves.  And when one wants something-one is often able to over look those niggling feelings.

We also know that we were chosen to go through this experience for a couple of reasons.  One:  We could handle it.  Sounds contrite and a little conceded, however; if you know Craig and I, you know that we are strong people.  It makes us who we are and our faith is also very strong.  It is true that God never gives you more than you can handle and we truly believe this.  In this situation, God chose us to experience this because we could handle it and we will come out better on the other side.  Two: All things happen for a reason. I don't yet know the reason, but hopefully when that reason is revealed we will be ready.  Craig and I do believe that God has a plan and that His will will be done. We as His servants must submit to His will and be ready and willing to serve Him.  Three:  It will all be sweeter in the end.  Craig and I know from experience that when things come easy they are not always appreciated as they should be.  Going through this experience, will make the coming home of our child more special.  


We are very sorry that so many other people were also injured by our heartbreaking decision, but please know that this decision was better made now rather than later.  Also know that this decision was not made lightly. It was probably one of the hardest-if not the hardest-decision we have ever had to make.  But we are okay.  After 8 hours of driving, and a lot of talking we can see the situation clearly.  We made the right decision.  Don't get me wrong-we are shocked and hurt.  But the shock will fade and the hurt will heal.  We are going to keep the specifics to ourselves for now, but please pray that God's will be done as He sees fit.

And if you read all of this, go buy yourself an ice cream because it's going to be hot today and you deserve it!